Old Friends

"I sometimes feel like there is this dark dingy warehouse where I keep storing away my sadness. That like my princess it sits in a dungeon longing for my company, like a secret begging to be uncovered, like an old friend waiting to catch up. And I am afraid if it's polite enough, one day I might stay. For good."

Hey Beautiful

My nerves ache.

Blue and white and blank

For purpose, not of.

I wanted to run, 

but words ran out of me.

Betrayed me. Said they let me be.

Fake smiles, false hopes.

Rid them off me, 

Strip me bare to my bones,

That feel,

dirty to the marrow and further inside.

Wash them clean.

I want to thank you for

Stealing my humility,

And my thunder.

Silence is the new kid on the block.

Say, hey Beautiful,

what are you doing tonight?

Fear

I wonder, if we are all mortals and bound to die, why does fear of what is to be grip us all so mercilessly. The only possible answer is that this existence is the only one that you get, atleast as you, yourself - notwithstanding rebirth. And while it can be so very glorious in every way, it can be equally miserable. Sometimes because of things we can control and sometimes because of things we cannot. The things we cannot control can be fortunate or unfortunate but beyond us. Therefore, we try to control things that we possibly can, to make the weighted average of this life a beautiful affair. And in that need to control lies our misery and our fears. What if things don’t go as per plan? What if my future isn’t as good as I thought it would be? So, what if? Maybe what we do not realize is that what we think we can control is also a subset of things we cannot. It is but an illusion. And we waste away our lives fearing what was never really in our control anyway. Fear therefore is a phantom. How would we function, if we knew that nothing – absolutely nothing was ever in our control; that everything was assigned a random probability. OR, maybe somewhere in our partially disillusioned minds we all know this fact, and fear all that we think we can control but cannot?

Sundar si duniya.

Sundar si thi duniya ek

Sunhare log aur sunhare taare anek

Ek ladki ko wo dikhte na the

Saamne the par milte na the

Kya ye duniya uski na thi

Kyu sab log paraye the

Kyu sab taare sharmaaye the

Sundar si thi duniya ek

Mineswept

" Maybe it is really a game someone is playing with us. This life, I mean. And my theory is that it is probably just an advanced version of MINESWEEPER. So, for every person out there, there is one event/step/mis-step/person/lie/something that leads to your downfall - slow downfall. Like slow poison. So once you have hit that snag, which as per the game, you never should have, it will just be like walking into a mad fire and keep walking till you burn progressively into ash. Just a thought. A theory, actually. I'm still working on it."

Of fairy tales..

"So ja, Pari" – He said

Why do you call me Pari?

"Because you wear white clothes and you have invisible wings when you wake up next to me.
Oh and that far fetched look in your eyes. And then there is something absolutely magical about you."

Out.

And so I walk out,

With careful steps

Lest I spoil your dream.

I wish you beautiful days and wondrous nights,

Sweet musings and endless flights,

All and everything that makes you sleep,

Like you do tonight.

And night after night after night.

And I slowly shut the door on my way out.

Remembrance

There is no healing.

It’s not a wound.

I am fighting and I am losing.

This battle and my head too,

Hollowed, hallowed.

No more me, no more you.

For that’s all that will remain – the one truth in all the lie,

The lifetime in a life,

And all the little things I will remember you by.

Note to self - Part III

You know the feeling of that elusive kind of freedom. Not just physically but mentally? I think I figured out the reason. Often times, we start following patterns, most of the times unknowingly. And we stay there – Trapped in those patterns. First and foremost, identify the patterns. You can’t fight a dragon you can’t see. And, like Mario, you will lose to the fire spewing dragon several times before you can save the princess in you but you've got to keep trying because you want to see what awaits you beyond the misery.

The first thing I do every morning is look out my bedroom window and see this magical tree. I saw it shed its leaves and every day I see new buds, new leaves forming. Pink leaves turning yellow and then green. It’s beautiful and its magical. To think of it, it’s all about time and the little things we fill it up with, really. Isn’t that what life’s made up of? But we can’t hurry things up. Everything cannot be like these buds turning into flowers overnight. Every magic takes its own time to reveal. So, give yourselves time to blossom. Feel the goodness around you. And start knocking that evil pattern down little by little everyday. Oh! And smell the fragrance of freedom when you are out. See you on the other side, kiddo!

"So, tell me one thing - who really gets tired and hurt beating a dead horse? You or the dead horse? FYI, the horse is DEAD."

Oh F***

Into the bluest of the sky,

Past the sun moon and the stars,

She wanted to fly,

Up, away and afar.

She got her fancy flying gear on,

But forgot to pin her wings,

Bang Badam Boom she hit the lawn,

Oh the poor little thing.

Krazay.

As bad as bad can be,
As mad as mad can be,
I am as much me with you,
As much as I can be.

My All.

All I want is

for this feeling to stay

An addiction more sour than the beer you drink
A high higher than the smoke I light

All I want is

to run away

with you into the wild

with no end in sight

All I want is

to sway 

you are the sweet cold wind in my hair

you are the harsh frostbite

All I want is

to get lost

in your arms

and never find a way out

All I want is

to be amused and amazed

with your thought

that never leaves my mind

All I want is

to be inspired

by your reason

by your treason

All I want is

for you to be

my excuse
my blame

my excitement
my disappointment
All I want is
to be crazy
for you
with you

It's all about you

It's only about you

and

I don’t want to

I never want to

Stop

Loving

You.

Revelry of the different kind. Our kind.

I think sometimes we just revel in our misery. We find shelter in our grief. Because sometimes it becomes so much a part of our lives that we cannot wish it away. And it becomes our friend, the dark mysterious friend no one else knows about.

Cheers to us, my friend. We have come a long way.
(P.S. - We just hit a 100th post!)