Trust I seek…

… I find in you?

"I Trust you."
Well, how many people actually mean it, without any lingering, remotely accessed, thoughts in their heads? I for one, do. That I have felt and said it very little, since I started doing those things, shall be another subject of discussion.

So, why can’t we trust? Because someone we trusted betrayed us and it hurts so bad that we find it hard to trust someone again. Okay, I am not trying to give you a crash course on trust here, just getting around towards the point.

And why do we trust again? Because someone reassures us that the world is not that bad a place to live in after all. And whether that is true or false, they somehow make you believe that. And you feel better. And you feel safer.

Hm..What if you trust your car driver just enough not to wear the safety belt, and he loses control, only to catch you off guard, bumping your head against the front glass, leaving you bleeding like a dog? Maybe the situation is not that comparable. You can trust the driver and still wear a seat belt just because you don’t trust the roads enough- there may be bumps for all you know OR you don’t trust other cars that try to come on to yours!

But it is. So what if there are bumps, isn’t a responsible driver supposed to slow down when there are? And there will be bad and bigger and better cars trying to get their way, it does not mean you give in.

But your choice it is. To trust or be on the safer side. But when you say it, mean it, even if it comes at the cost of hurting more than when you don’t. Just coz it feels better while it lasts. And oh! Always have a feeling that it will. It might well do!

"I trust you."

Will she, won't she?

She was in a ditch. No, she was in an abyss, at least that’s what it felt after her endless tries of climbing out of it only to slip deeper into it again. Some tried to help. Sometimes she tried to help herself. Nothing worked.

Several years later, after arduous meditation, she summoned up a storm. And that which manifested lifted her gracefully out of darkness, into another world, very far from where she never wanted herself to be. Time healed her and she forgot the abyss but it did not forget her. It walked with her night and day, between her smiles, amidst her chatter, camouflaged in the cape of fear.

Several more years later, something happened. She realized that the fear was not of the abyss alone. Like green fungus, it had made its way into every nerve of her soul. She has to claw her way out of the evil grunge for, she knew, once devoid of that, any peak worth conquering, was accessible. And she knew, this time, she has to summon a storm within herself. It may leave her whole new world shattered or it may turn out just fine. There was no way to know.

The fear that clutched her so unforgivingly had to be shrugged off. But will she gather the will to summon the storm? Will her thirst to see the world at her feet overpower her fear to tumble into another abyss again? Someone hopes. I hope so too.

I am

A thump on a busy street,
A clap in a theater,
A coin in coins,
A word forgotten,
A fleeting glance,
I am.

The sun we know,
The smile you love,
The air to breathe,
The wish to die for,
Your song,
I am not.

My fate!!
But belief catches up fast,
Panting for breath-
“If the head is held high,
The heart is strong,
A dream in your eye,
And you know you are loved”
I will be whatever I want to be.