Life is one of those French classes. You know, you join them coz you wanna learn, and then it drives you nuts but you just can’t quit. So, MY French class has been going on for more than 20 years now- Cant say how much I have learnt but it sure as hell has driven me closer to an asylum. But can’t quit can I?
Anyways. I hardly get time to write now. But when I Looked at my ‘repository’ today, I realized there is so much I have written and never posted coz it was maybe too lame or never finished or I changed my mind about what I had written ! Ahh! Just don’t wanna keep those poor guys sitting there, waiting for their turn to be blogged. So, lame however they may be, they were intended to be on this blog- and so they are. The “unedited and unpublished and thankfully so” (until now) version of my choicest confusions is here. Savour yourselves as I bring you closer to my French aylum.
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“Forever trusting who we are and nothing else matters!”
People change just like times do. Sometimes, they abandon you and move on. While you stay right there looking for them.
You may have done that some point in your life. And I might have too. And someone might have done the same to us. Its human nature, I am guessing.
So what’s the best we can do? Let them be. Let them find their happiness and go looking for ours. There is no time after time.
“You and I try and tire
Hurt no more, only numb
Thankfully, I smile to myself,
There are things I lost forever.”
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“And the moon is out and the stars are bright
And whatever comes gonna be alright
Cause tonight you will be mine - up on cloud number nine”
Okay, I confess I am a sucker for love and all that it comes along with.
A candle-lit table on the sea-side. The wind in my hair and sand at my feet. A song plays from a distant place, and he bows down and asks me for a dance. I smile and agree. And so- “ we can watch the world go by . . up on cloud number nine”
And then much much later, when I am 70, if I live that long- we are at the same place holding hands and thinking about what all we have gone through together, and loved every moment of it.
I know sounds just like out of a movie. It is. ‘coz the movies conveniently skip the not-all-that-great part of being there. But you know, there are people who fall out of love after all the fights and tears. And there are people who don’t.
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I don’t have a reason to smile. ummm…wait…correction…I guess I do. Before I started writing I thought I would write about how life is such a betrayal everyday. How life plays games with u. How life is such a drudgery everyday. But oh did I forget, Life is so much more- its laughter when I put my hand on my stomach and there are tears in my eyes coz the joke was just so frigging funny or so fuckin not funny. Its hope when I feel I have lost and I look up and around and within and I know I wont ever lose if I know I m not a loser. Its love when drops trickle down my face the moment I think of the time I would have to leave this safe haven and go away from my parents to a place where I woudnt really know a soul. Its ambition when I look into the mirror and let out a speech telling one and all that if it wasn’t for my ma and pa I wudnt have been here- ON the top of the world. Its music when I listen to a song and it reminds me of someone special…or something or a place…hmmm…tell u what- Life is music- high notes and low ones- you just have to make it music to your soul.
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8.37 A.M. Just about. Every Morning. A Traffic Signal and one of those 10 seconds when I am not counting at one. Distracted by an old man who sits there, besides the lamp-post, with the same far-out expression, every day- without fail. I wonder what brings him there. There are parks or clubs or temples he could go to. Or maybe he just walks through the road and takes rest for a few mins or he just likes to sit there- watch the bustle of the city. And then it strikes me.. he sits there to watch his life to go past by him. Most of ours does, but we are too busy to realise it.
Days turn into months, months into years and years into a lifetime- and then we hear “ yeh kal hi ki to baat thi” I spent college bunking classes, and whiling away time- not that I regret any of it, just that- had I known if would be so short of it later, could have used it judiciously. Heck, we can buy every damn thing, wish we could but time too.
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One overcast night, I called it a day at work,
I hear the thunder, and can feel a storm lurks,
Quickly, I grab my purse and put on my jacket,
Head for home in the cab, I pulled the windows down.
For once the wind in my hair drowns out the traffic,
And I smile to myself- its Friday after all.
And I am thinking- I get to sleep till 12 tomorrow!!
- Added the last line just now.
Dude! These may be the lamest posts ever. whatever! My love hate tete a tete with my French class continues. I gotta run- I somehow, Can’t wait to attend this one! Au Revoir!
Later!
