Dark

There is a dark side of me
that, through which you cannot see
it surfaces once in a while
good or bad its all mine
Dark is not bad
it is that you cannot see or understand
Like the moon that fades in daylight
and the sun that hides at night
there are times when I am dark
in my madness, my silence, or my one of many quirks

There is a dark side of you
that I fail to see through too
I am afraid of what I may find
that it may be beyond my hopeful mind
In your light I see myself
the dark confounds me
I cant fight it coz I dont know what it is
Do I make it mine?
and lose myself while I am at it
Dont you see its too dark for me
I really really want to but I cannot see..

There's strength within us
that we seldom know of
the desire to break free
the will to be
that makes you dare
The dark side gets you there..

Depreciation of assets

Depreciation is the reduction in the value of an asset due to usage, passage of time, wear and tear, technological outdating or obsolescence, depletion or other such factors (Source: Wiki)

As little as I remember from the few classes I attended in my Business school, Finance/Economics equates a corporation to a person, that was 'born' and has real rights and responsibilities, it can be convicted, be insolvent, die, sue and be sued. I would like to take the liberty to reverse the law which can be stated thus " Like a corporation, a person has assets- tangible or intangible that depreciate over time but unlike the corporations, the fools don't account for it in their books".

Youth, Beauty, Intelligence, Memory, Love, Long hair, Biceps, Triceps, 6-pack, 8-pack (Okay, in short, your oh-so-hot-bod), energy, passion (and I may have left some out) etc. etc. could be some of a normal human being's assets. And all these, I can safely say, from as little as I have seen or experienced, fade over time or like the new law states 'depreciate'.

Your external being withers away slowly and eventually. Wow, Niiice thought to have on a sunny saturday afternoon :) I know!! So the smile on you that your boyfriend or girlfriend adores may just eventually turn into a teethless one. And had the achingly romantic side of me been awake at this point of time, it would have retorted that if your guy or gal/hubby or wuffy looooves you, he/she would coochie-coo even your teethless frame of mouth. And because that scary side of me is sooo asleep right now, I would say that that argument is so full of mash potato. It looks good, sounds good but it makes you sick in the stomach. The 'love' of your beloved depreciates too. Haven't you heard of wives complaining about how their husbands earlier used to.... (*nice things*) and now they just... (*bad things*)!!

I dont say that your invaluables vanish, I just say they become a little less valuable over time. And maybe as your memory does too, you begin to forget what used to be and learn to accept what is. (Is there a financial term for that too...? Provision for doubtful accounts maybe). The question really is: In the the books of accounts, you account for it. How do you do it in your life?

Its kinda funny bit its kinda sad too. (And here comes the cliched..)But this is life. But it is.

Lets see- So, maybe when you take your wedding vows, you just say, "Look I really really love you right now but I can't promise you that I'd stay the same always. Its human to change, you know!" (Disclaimer: Please dont do that if you want that wedding ceremony to conclude). Maybe the guy or the gal at that point of time does think he/she is gonna feel the same forever. So why blame someone for something that's not their fault. Promises should be banned, I feel. Or the other simpler way to deal with this is to be more realistic with expectations.

Okay today, when you checked out that sexy you in the mirror, I bet you did not think that those beautiful shiny locks that makes your best friend go green with envy, may fall someday? You dont have to. But know that they will.

Just why cant we account for depreciation of assets in our lives too?
Because we are real people not corporations. We need to live in our present. And I have heard of that line so much and it makes all the sense in the world but I really dont know what it means. And how many do that- live in the present, i.e.? I wish someone could teach me to let go of my past and the worries of my future and help me stay where I am- in my present.

So I guess ladies and gentlemen and ghosts of the past, present and the future, yes, love fades, hearts break, hair fall and eyesight weakens. You can't run from them coz they are yours. So you cut your losses and bounce back, You diversify ;D You find new loves, newer looks. Eg. You become a mother or a father, and you love and are loved more than ever by your children. And trust me, for me (like for most of us), my mom is the most beautiful lady in my life. She will always be. This goldmine of mine, will never lose its shine.

"I SIT, this evening, far away,
From all I used to know,
And nought reminds my soul to-day
Of happy long ago.
Unwelcome cares, unthought-of fears,
Around my room arise;
I seek for suns of former years
But clouds o'ercast my skies.
Yes--Memory, wherefore does thy voice
Bring old times back to view,
As thou wouldst bid me not rejoice
In thoughts and prospects new? "


New thoughts, Newer prospects and a New you. You change with time and people around you too- a little, if not much(I know for a fact that once a brat always a brat). So anyways, there will be hurt and there will be pain, but be sure you discover more joy and happiness to last your lifetime.

The Pigeon

It thundered and it rained,
I got drenched
And my alibi too
So, I let go of the fret
Wet in rain and whetting pain,
I limped my way to them,
They are the water and I am the fish,
Without them, I feel like meat.
Tucked in my bed and off to sleep,
I hear the pigeon coo again,
It never leaves, I never sleep.
I know somehow, as it wags its head back and forth,
It likes to see me weep.

I left the marsh for a place,
Where the sun walked very close,
From one horizon to the other,
I got sun burns, and lazy too,
Them, I missed but I found someone,
Oh and I got legs and wings so neat,
Yes, I could fly to their touch,
When I start feeling like yucky meat,
Tucked in my bed and off to sleep,
I hear a pigeon coo,
It left with me, I never slept,
I don’t know why I let it,
But it does disturb me and Damn it! I have wept.

I slowly drifted to the snows,
The feathers wore, my legs sore and water was so far,
Someone left me too to brave the cold alone,
I tried to fly, but my feet was stuck in snow,
I tried to call but my voice was lost in flow,
I think for the longest time,
I missed and longed for them and someone,
So much so that half my body wilted.
Slowly but I don’t even realize,
I grow older,
Numb in snow and the undone eyebrow,
I think I died a long time ago,
For I became the meat,
And the pigeon now sat on my shoulder,
It cooed and it cooed and it never stopped cooing,
But it did not disturb me,
Nor did it make me weep,
Since ages now I have been fast asleep.

As it comes..

I am a civilian, rich or poor, untrained, ill-equipped, and extremely scared. I can be shot at or bombed while I am travelling in a train, or dining in a hotel or even walking on a street. I know that. But I dont stop doing all those things. Not because I am not scared, not because I forget, Not because it has not happened to me or someone close to me, But because I need to do some things to live a normal life, because if I keep thinking of all possible places I shouldn't go to, there would be no place left to go. After this one, and so many attacks that have happened on our country lately, I wake up every morning and its business as usual for me.I dont know what else to do. I do this by choice.

Then there are the Defense personnel/the security forces, rich/poor, trained, equipped and I 'think' a little scared. Now, these people are in the profession of getting shot at. Simply put, they lay down their lives to save our lives. They know there are a hundred tanks firing from all sides, they know there are a number of terrorists throwing grenades at them in there, but they march forward nevertheless. I cannot reason this one out- I will not be doing justice to their cause. And they too do it by choice.
We don't know our fate but they know their most probable one before their eyes.

I cannot even try and imagine what goes on through their minds when they are on a mission. Those of you who have close friends, relatives in the army may know. I am clueless. What goes through the minds of their parents, siblings, lovers?
Do they say their prayers or call their loved ones and tell them how much they love them, do their loved ones tell them how proud they are of them, Do they feel like if they could they would just run away, Do they take this long sigh and tell themselves that this is their duty and they shall fulfill it, Do they feel they will die this time, before they march into anything, everytime Or Do they ever even have the time to think?
Whatever the case is, someone who willingly parts with his dear life for so many he doesnt even know- is a Hero in its true sense.

There are heroes among the untrained, ill-equipped and scared lesser mortals like us as well. I read of the railway announcer who put his life in danger to save others instead of ducking/fleeing from his seat. I read of the hotel staff who formed a chain so the elite guests can leave while they took bullets for them. And so many other such heroes during the Mumbai blasts. I dont know which duty they thought they were fulfilling- Divinity not humanity, if any.

Maybe, Maybe, there is a hero in all of us. Maybe while we are so busy saving ourselves from the regular attacks of failed relationships, lost money, betrayal, and unsuccessful careers, we can't and we don't want to see outside of our own Misery.
We all make choices, some way more tougher than we can imagine.

Maybe, when it comes, and as it comes we will too rise above our own expectations..
I hope I get the courage, and as it comes, I take the bullet for that lady or that uncle who lives in another corner of the city, who I dont know, who I never will.
I hope I do some proud too..

Pink and Blue go together

All your life you tell people how they have changed from how you once knew them. That they promised you that they’d be someone all their life and they are not that person anymore. Then, one morning you wake up, with a heavy head, remembering only in parts what happened the night before, or even what’s been happening the months before. And as it comes to you, you hear yourself say “!@#$^&” over and over again. That’s when it occurs to you. You have changed. From what you used to be, from what you stood for, from what you thought was right, from what you thought you were. From Pink to Blue.

These days he felt he had run out of choices. He was to accept what life had to offer. Take it or Take it. He felt. He had not. He saw the setting sun, only because he slept during the sunshine. He suffocated, only because he lived in the confines of his den. He thought he cannot feel anymore, only because he did not reach out to touch. He was an effigy, except when he was burnt, the Blue blood, turned Pink.

I give a rat’s ass. To just about everything. Or atleast that’s what I say. Either that is completely true. Or utterly full of shit. I see myself worried about things that should not matter. I also see myself give a damn to people who matter more than anyone else. I am unsure, not so sure, clueless, random, guilty and confused, and all these by choice ‘cause no one forced what is, upon me. In the back seat of a Santro, as I get closer to my home, I feel cold. And I feel the tears. I quickly wipe them before anyone sees it. And I know one thing for sure. I am lost. But as little as I remember of myself, I know I will find my way back home. From the dark Blue clouds to the sunny Pink skies. You bet!

Did I mention that Pink slips can get you off the Blues too? I know of someone who thinks its her chance to do what she always wanted to. I wish you well with your endeavors!

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”

--J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings