Here we go again..!!

I am getting older. As yet another Birthday approaches, I know I am. It doesn’t freak me out as in “freak-me-out” but it kinda does too. Hmmmpph!! No, I actually sighed. Hmmmpph..another one!! Gawwd Am I getting older already!! Okay let me catch my breath first..yeah I am good now.

Well, its not like I am afraid of adding years. I am more concerned about all I want to do with Life and I have not started just as yet!
I wanted to be an astronaut, while I was much younger, you know, go to NASA, find out if the US moon mission was actually fake, meet with the aliens. I swear I KNOW aliens exist!! I KNOW they do, you wanna bet?
Then, I wanted to be a Paleontologist, this was after I read too many Dinosaur books and watched Jurassic park too many times. I even had a DinoScare quiz game! I can pronounce every single complicated name of their species- I do wonder though, why in Sauropodomorpha’s name would you name them thus. Whatever! I still love Dinosaurs!!
And then I wanted to be a rock star- My career almost took off when the Surd music teacher at school taught us “Siiilent night..hoooly night” and several other beauuutiful christmas carols. I even learnt how to play a bongo and hold the guitar!! Damn, I could have been the next James Blunt!
And then I almost wanted to be a basketball player. I was too tall for my age. I was told I could be a good player, if only I’d take my hands outside my trouser pockets while playing. Gawwd! It was too cold a weather to play in- Give the l’il girl a break!

Okay the list is too long and the consequences too tragical. The road has been long and winding. I don’t even know how I ended up having anything to do with the stock exchange. By the way, Has anyone seen the @#$%^& HCL ad? Gawd!! They make investment bankers look like VERY VERY dumb people!! I don’t even want to get into what people at "HCL Technology Solutions" do! We all know they do some Really neat stuff. Lets just leave it at that, shall we?

Anyways, I digressed. And I just realized how much ever I brood over it, what's gone is gone. I wish I could realize that more often, though.

I have done many things I shouldn’t have.
I haven’t done many things I should have.
I have hurt people and I shouldn’t have.
I haven’t kicked people I should have.
I have hidden from people how much I well.."Don't-really-like-them"- I sure as hell shouldn't have.
I haven’t told people how much I like them- I should have.
I have cried for the wrong people.
I have laughed at the wrong people.
I have smiled too little.
I have thanked too less.
I could have been better.
I could have been something I am not.
Except that, I could not have been something other than what I am. But each passing day, I try to get closer to what I want to be.

And I aint getting older- I am just getting wiser and umm..Older :|
But..(wait! remember "Happy(s) Ending(s)") I wont Ever stop dreaming!
I still want to own an Island Resort. Anybody willing to donate one for the right cause? Look no further- CAUSE its here( me me me !!)

Cheers!

“Simone
Wish I was sober
So I could see clearly now
The rain has gone

Simone
I guess it's over
My memory plays our tune
The same old song”

Lalala..and the hangover continues!! WHERE is my aspirin??

Same shit, different day..

I m looking for you…just why the hell don’t you come?
I m looking for something…Just why the hell I donno what it is…!!
Wish I knew what I was talking abt…wish I was clearer…

My Dairy, Dated: 31st July, 2005

One Christmas evening..

A Christmas of blogging cannot go without this one. I wrote this back in class 7 and needless to say I absolutely love it.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

The sky glowed with the stars at night,
The moon smiled splendidly adding to the sight,
The land hid under the blanket of snow,
I found my spirits suddenly rise and glow-
The echo of the jingling bells,
And the melodious carols sung by those dressed like fairies and elves,
As if the winds whispered in my ear,
Wishing me luck and prosperity for the coming year.
The Xmas tree was decorated and the gifts were exchanged,
But I waited for the moment,
When through the chimney of my room-
Would come my dear santa with a zooooom
And would put my gift on the bedside,
Perhaps even ask me for a ride.
While I was living in my thoughts,
I saw a streak of light travel across,
I shivered with fright and fear,
But it was a sleigh run by a reindeer,
I stared a while-
At the man who greeted me with a smile,
He flung a hand and bade goodbye,
While I still stood there wishing 'Hi',
Then away he went into the depths of moon,
Promising me that he would come very soon,
I kept staring with a long pause
‘coz I just couldn’t believe I had met a real Santa Claus!

A familiar place..

More than 5 years it’s been since I last set foot here. Nothing has changed, yet everything has. The king has left though he looks upon and would so forever, I know. The Queen knows he will never return but still she waits. The ring on her finger has been intact since the past 60 years. The sheen has not faded and nor the love. And yes, the king visits her in her dreams, she tells me, so she does not complain much.

The same destination where we longed to spend our summer vacations. The king was our master story teller- He told stories of far off places, of angels and demons, of how the hero struggles through oceans of dragons and snakes to get hold of an emerald that saves the life of his love, of how the stars at night turn into our guardians so we are safe at our homes. He would address all our new found fascinations about Urdu, Punjabi, Pakistan, Painting, God, reincarnations, aliens and what not. He would never tire. Never. He was our hero, our learned one, our King- Still is.

The “mohallah” is not all the same. New houses have sprung up. The all-pervasive pigs have miraculously disappeared and thankfully so. The grocery store “Bille ki dukan”, just a meter away, has been closed. He now makes bags and sells them, I m told. The residents have changed, some replaced, and some have just grown older. Our house is being painted after aeons it seems. As I sit in the drawing room on the first floor, I can hear the workers shouting. But more prominent is the gossip of the inhabitants- The Queen reminiscing her time in Multan, Pakistan; the kinsfolk scandalizing the remotest possible hearsay, the kids talking about how school went- all at the same time. White smoke comes out with every breath, as I speak through my clattering teeth, replying to their inquiring calls of where I have been. Sun has finally conquered the foggy morning- Time to soak up the sun.

As I sit in the car to head for the railway station, I look for a familiar face to peep out of the wall on the other end of the house as we speed past it, but he does not show up this time. In my heart I know, somehow he is still there, teary-eyed, saying goodbye, like always. I do not, however, know when I would return. I hope I do soon- To the most beautiful Queen, whose features I wish I had inherited, to the town that is never silent- The town of fairies at nights and kulfies and chats and loads of play during the day- The town of my childhood- The land of Yamuna. Yamuna nagar.

To, The Messenger..

"While the sun was away from you and
you were lost in your spaces and dreams,
I was here with him listening to his stories of you.

He told me of how shy he becomes,
when he looses to your bright smile.
But said he felt good as it has been a long time since he lost.

He told me how you befriended the moon and the stars.
They fools thought you liked them,
but you loved the spaces between them to travel away and far.

Now he would be leaving me,
and I will head for my journey left incomplete.
May be in dreams I might complete the distance seven seas apart."

-Moudgi
------------------------------------------------------------------------

I blinked and the sun was gone,
And I let him go too.
He had to brighten another world,
another dawn.

He lent me his best,
And told you he lost.
Humility is what is preached,
by the greatest.

Away I go,
To own the unknown,
more than the moon and stars,
I seek the light through the shadow.

Seven seas across,
When sun lights up your way again,
give him my best,
tell him he knew me well.